i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
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Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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