the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
