sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
