Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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