yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
