Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
