The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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