whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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