Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
