yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
