I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
