I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
