I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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