Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
