Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
