This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
