i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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