Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
