Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
pray to the hookup gods
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
