epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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