not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dick very happy bro
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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