did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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