That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
