Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
