I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
