so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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