I just made out with a guy for $7.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
