The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
