i think my tv is drunk
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
