I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
