Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
