It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
