Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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