I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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