I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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