i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
