I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
