Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
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I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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