How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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