seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
