nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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