so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
