WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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