Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Vodka?
Forever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
