Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
