She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
