i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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