i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
