dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
