Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She said her name was "party"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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