Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
