I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
