Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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