trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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