Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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