you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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