i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
