remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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