That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
