Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
