Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This baby is an asshole
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
