Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
