this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
