Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
