shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
