Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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