my mouth tastes like poor choices
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize