I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
