Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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