Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He kissed a someone with a penis
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize