i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
