Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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