I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
