I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Fuck appropriateness.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
