I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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