Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
